"Happiness is a choice, and you too can have the life you dream of." Easy for those self-help gurus online to say. Just manifest your ideal life, and all the wealth, love, and freedom will come your way. Well, you've been manifesting like crazy for years, but you're still driving that Fiat Punto, getting the same nagging comments from your boss during every performance review, and the gap between the end of the month and the end of your money is still just as big. Dating stress because that true love just won't swipe right on you? Or have you luckily found that love, but the kids (whom you adore!) are sapping the last bit of energy you might have used to set up that side business to get ahead in life?
Who are all these people who seem to have it all together? Instagram is full of success stories. Entrepreneurs sipping cocktails while occasionally monitoring how their passive income is doing. Successful career climbers who always seem to have enough time to take magazine-worthy selfies at the most breath-taking locations with their photogenic families. Hotshots who, besides having a ripped body, drive expensive cars at twenty, make heaps of money from their YouTube channels, and travel the world from one lavish resort to another. Why them and not you?
Social media is not reality. You know that, I know that. But part of our brain still starts believing that the grass is greener on the other side. Not for nothing do companies spend heaps of money on advertisements every year. Repeating the message works. That's why manifesting has been popular for years: if you create a clear and concrete vision of your ideal life and repeat it daily, you start to believe that it is your future. The more disappointed you become when that future just doesn't materialize.
However, there is much more possible than you sometimes think. Yes, your life can change for the better. Anything is possible. That doesn't mean something is immediately within reach, but what can you do to get closer to your dream?
Zoom out on your current situation. Ask yourself the question: What is stopping me from doing what I love most? Often, external obstacles seem like clear causes: the environment, expectations of others, societal pressure. Or we believe in fixed limitations about ourselves that hold us back: 'I don't have the right genes', 'this is just who I am'. These thoughts and circumstances often influence us unconsciously, making it difficult to take action. But are they really that determining?
Beneath these external obstacles often lie limiting beliefs. These are deep-seated thoughts that tell us we are not good enough, that we will fail, or that we must not disappoint others. They trap us in a vicious cycle of fear and doubt.
If you want to make real progress, that's where the work begins. Limiting beliefs come in many forms:
I must not fail.
It's too late to change.
People won't accept me for who I truly am.
I'm too ugly, too fat, or too thin.
I need to control everything.
I can never succeed.
To name a few. Others are always better, and you are never good enough. These beliefs maintain a lack of self-confidence and often lead to irrational fears. You avoid challenges and don't seize opportunities that could help you move forward.
Facing the inner struggle with your limiting beliefs requires a lot of energy and courage. It's tempting to blame external factors. I've often let myself be held back by these beliefs as well. However, by gradually addressing my limiting beliefs and believing that more is possible, I've become bolder in my life. Now I live in Spain, have opened a store in Valencia with my partner, and started my own coaching practice. I truly believe that the greatest obstacles lie within yourself.
What makes it so difficult to choose our own path? Sometimes we don't dare to choose. Do you opt for the security of your current, energy-draining job, or do you trust in your own strength and choose the uncertainty of a career switch? By not choosing, you choose for everything to stay as it is. So, it's not your environment but yourself.
There are circumstances beyond your control, like illness, war, violence. Sometimes your situation is a huge stress factor, and you have little choice. But even within that, no matter how limited, you have a choice in how you deal with it. Viktor Frankl, a survivor of Auschwitz, wrote in his famous book "Man's Search For Meaning" that the most important mindset that helped some prisoners survive better than others was the ability to find meaning in their suffering. Those who managed to find a sense of purpose in their experiences, according to Frankl, had a better chance of surviving.
But let's be honest, most of us fortunately don't have such extreme circumstances. So, are you unhappy with where you are now? Maybe it's time to give those limiting beliefs a good kick in the butt. Start small, take a step, however small. Maybe in a while, you'll look back and see that you're finally living the life you've always dreamed of. And if things turn out differently, at least you've taken a step and are on your way to something better.
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